Failing Forward

Recovery Happens
Failing Forward
by Tim J. Swank

I attended the Central Valley Regional Conference of the California Network of Mental Health Clients (CNMHC) last month. It was on the second day of this 2-day event when an extraordinary thing happened. I had spoken up during several workshops held on my view of recovery. During a break in the proceedings, a leader of CNMHC told me that I would be a good candidate for a position on the Board of Directors, an election which would be held that day.

Well, when I had woken up that morning and prepared to go, being elected a Board member was not on my mind, let alone an idea I had considered. So I had decided at that moment, "Why not?" So I was nominated along with four other folks, the election was held, and I won.

Later that week, doubts started to infect me like a virus. "What ifs" crept in. During this time, I spent 14 hours in bed not wanting to do anything. Finally, not wanting to live a paralyzed life, I had a talk with my mentor who reminded me about how far I had come in the last six years. So just speaking thoughts out loud helped me to clarify my direction and where I want to go.

Any Great Accomplishment will come with the risk of failure. Mistakes will be made, blunders and missteps inevitable. And that's OK. This is how we learn, by taking those risks and daring to step out to where one has never been before. And I'm speaking here of calculated, well-thought-out risks; not the risk of going to the casino with the rent money in the hope of getting rich quick, but doing something you've always wanted to do, but not thinking that it'll work.

I could easily just spend my days alone in my apartment not going anywhere, not doing anything for fear of rejection, embarrassment and loss. But not taking a risk is the greatest risk of all. And that's no way to live. We can achieve Greatness in our lives if we just continue to take those baby steps, build a solid foundation and dare to do the thing you think you cannot do. And if what you try didn't work, go back and look at what happened, then get up again and work more intelligently next time.

And I intend to be a Great Board member for the Central Valley Region, knowing that I and other people believe in me and what I can accomplish for California.

Goals!

Book Review:

Goals! How to Get Everything You Want - Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible

Brian Tracy Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2004 ISBN 1-57675-307-7

xi + 291 pgs.

Available @ Brian Tracy International

Design Your Best Year Ever: A Proven Formula for Achieving Big Goals

Darren Hardy Success Books, 2009 ISBN 978-0-9819512-0-1

xv + 141 pgs.

Available @ Your Success Store

I can't say enough about the importance of setting clear, written goals as part of recovery. These books lay a great foundation.

Brian Tracy lays out more the WHY of setting goals and the great benefits one can accrue from doing this discipline. Darren Hardy provides a template anyone can follow for deciding WHAT goals to go for and the all-important follow-up action plan.

In 2007 it worked for me. Using a goal-setting formula and Law of Attraction principles (More later this week) I set a goal of moving out of a horrible room and board shared house I'd been living in since 2002. I wrote out in detail exactly the kind of place I wanted to move into, and I placed these words afterwards, "I shall achieve this Goal OR BETTER by 12/31/07. Well, I didn't get exactly what I wanted on paper...I did GET BETTER.

I am convinced that this step of writing specific Goals will do more for achieving a lasting recovery than just hoping and wishing for things to get better.

Anyway, get these books and get busy!

TJS

Book Review: The No Asshole Rule

Book Review:

The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't

Robert I. Sutton, PhD

Business Plus, 2007 ISBN 978-0-446-52656-2

210 pgs.

"Asshole" is a pretty blunt word, I know, but let's face it: no matter if you call "difficult people" "jerks", "petty tyrants", "bullies", "knuckleheads", or whatever, they're still assholes, but there is good news.

Dr. Sutton provides us with a very useful guide in dealing with these workplace creeps in this highly readable book. I learned that the best way to deal with assholes is to avoid having anything to do with them, or, if that's not possible, be very firm and assertive as to what behaviors are acceptable and what is not. I also learned that sometimes I can be an asshole sometimes myself, and how to recognize and control my "inner jerk".

Here's a tactic I learned from one of my past mentors on how to deal with these people.

HOWARD: Why you acting like that? You can't talk to me that way!

ALBERT: You know Howard, I am truly blessed.

HOWARD: What you mean?

ALBERT: I don't need your approval.

This usually leaves them speechless, or provokes them further. Always keep your cool. Let them rage, then say "Thank you" and walk away. Trying to reason with a hothead is futile. A lot of times they want a fight to prove to themselves how righteous they are. Don't give it to them. For the sake of your own mental wellness, don't buy into their own negativity. Just say "thank you" and pray for their happiness...SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Anyway, visit the author's blog:

Bob Sutton

Tell him TJS sent you.

Stay Free,

TJS

Book Review: The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Bogging

Book Review (In Process):

The Huffington Post Complete Guide To Blogging by the Editors of the Huffington Post

Simon & Shuster, 2008 ISBN 13: 978-1-4391-0500-9

x + 230 pgs.

To preface. Although my intention with this humble blog is to focus on Mental Wellness and recovery from "mental illness", it will be helpful for me to say now what this blog will NOT be (at least for the first few dozen posts, anyway.). I am not going to make this into an online diary where I tell of my triumphs and woes daily (or semi-daily). I will interject a helpful experience I've had on occasion, but for now I'm going to focus my attention on reviewing books I've encountered and sometimes find helpful.

During my first year of sobriety, I've gone on a weekly basis to the largest thrift store in Stockton, CA and have started to accumulate a considerable library. I now have covering 1/4th of my living room floor over 300 books I've yet to read. About a 1/3rd of them are in the self-help genre. So at least every other day I'll post a review of what I've read so far...and also books I've gotten from the Library...like the one I'm about to review now.

Actually, it isn't fair to do so right now, since I'm only about halfway through, but what I've read so far has been helpful. I'll go to the news sites like Google News for material if appropriate, and the book recommends that I post often and find my own voice.

My ambitious goal is to get at least 100 people reading this on blogspot & my Facebook page by the end of the year. Then to double it each year until 2015 (or thereabouts) I make it into the Technorati Top 100. Hey, I can dream can't I?

Anyway, I do recommend this book and of course, let me give a mention to the #1 blog on the Technorati Top 100, the Huffington Post. As time permits, I'll be going there more often.

As always,

TJS

I Got Cable T-V Now, And I Love/Hate It

A few weeks ago, a couple of salesmen from Comcast came to where I work and gave a sales pitch. I know I've said in the past that I was proud of the fact that before I only watched an hour of broadcast T-V a week, when I did look at the tube, it was DVDs. So I signed up.

I got over a 100 channels, and yes, just as I (and maybe you) suspect, most of it is junk, promoting lifestyles I find abhorrent, people I would have nothing to do with in real life and an agenda I do not buy into. I do like the documentary channels and the weatherscan channel is helpful. When I have it on, I have it on the digital music channels. I like having uninterrupted music without announcer intrusions.

The question I ask myself (and it's a good one to ask yourself, too) is when I watch a program or movie, is will this help me achieve what I want in Life? Will it enhance the Quality of Life for myself and others? Or is it just mindless entertainment. Yes, I do want to be entertained, I just don't want to be in that group of people who just consume hours of visual candy. I intend to continue to spend more time reading and writing than I do watching T-V. For example, I have found myself watching VH1's Celebrity Rehab 3 & Sober House, with "Dr." Drew. As a former alcohol addict, I find this "reality" drama amusing. Indeed, the people in this show, as they believe they have a "disease"...find themselves acting in a diseased fashion! Incredible.

Anyway, use media, just don't let it use YOU.

TJS

Book Review: The Truth About Addiction and Recovery

The Truth About Addiction and Recovery: The Life Process Program for Outgrowing Destructive Habits

by Stanton Peele, PhD & Archie Brodsky with Mary Arnold

Fireside, 1991 ISBN 0-671-75530-7

430 pages

It has been a little over 14 months since I had finally given up consuming alcohol for good. Since I was introduced to "recovery" through the 12-Step faith healing program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) in 1988, I have had brief periods of sobriety in between 4 residential rehabs, one employee assistance program and one outpatient program. None of this worked. Until I finally realized that I needed to stop poisoning myself with alcohol and find something better to do.

So the Life Process Program Dr. Peele, et al. outlines in this accessible book, gives a way addicts can find meaning outside of their destructive habits. I no longer believe addiction is a "disease". It was a way I chose to deal with the world, but whether it was inherited from my parents, or whether it was from my environment I don't know. I do know that I'm much better off not consuming any more alcohol. This book gives the explanation is to why alcoholism, drug abuse, smoking, over-eating, gambling, shopping, etc. are NOT diseases. AA & the other 12-step "fellowships" want you to believe that only their "spiritual" approach is the best way. It isn't. For much more evidence than I can provide here, I invite you to read the Orange Papers:

Orange Papers

And of course, check out Stanton Peele's website as well.

I do not self-identify as an "alcoholic". Yes, alcohol was a center of my life for over 25 years, and I would say that I'm a former alcohol abuser. To-day I choose to live my life free of that chemical and also I do not obsess about it. The only time I give it any thought is during my work time as a Wellness Coach and my writing here and on Facebook. The rest of the term I devote to other pursuits which I'll mention here in due time.

Anyway, get this book, whether at the bookstore or at the library. It'll be a good start, much better than that mess entitled "Alcoholics Anonymous" a.k.a. "The Big Book".

Also, some more options for recovery from addictions:

Lifering

SMART Recovery

And finally, here's a great oldie by one of the pioneers of the secular recovery movement, Jack Trimpey:

Yes, Virginia, there is a cure for alcoholism!

Happy Trails,

TJS

Media Madness

Darren Hardy, publisher of Success Magazine pretty much says it well in this video. In fact, he said it better than I did yester-day.

http://vimeo.com/2543822

TJS