Failing Forward

Recovery Happens
Failing Forward
by Tim J. Swank

I attended the Central Valley Regional Conference of the California Network of Mental Health Clients (CNMHC) last month. It was on the second day of this 2-day event when an extraordinary thing happened. I had spoken up during several workshops held on my view of recovery. During a break in the proceedings, a leader of CNMHC told me that I would be a good candidate for a position on the Board of Directors, an election which would be held that day.

Well, when I had woken up that morning and prepared to go, being elected a Board member was not on my mind, let alone an idea I had considered. So I had decided at that moment, "Why not?" So I was nominated along with four other folks, the election was held, and I won.

Later that week, doubts started to infect me like a virus. "What ifs" crept in. During this time, I spent 14 hours in bed not wanting to do anything. Finally, not wanting to live a paralyzed life, I had a talk with my mentor who reminded me about how far I had come in the last six years. So just speaking thoughts out loud helped me to clarify my direction and where I want to go.

Any Great Accomplishment will come with the risk of failure. Mistakes will be made, blunders and missteps inevitable. And that's OK. This is how we learn, by taking those risks and daring to step out to where one has never been before. And I'm speaking here of calculated, well-thought-out risks; not the risk of going to the casino with the rent money in the hope of getting rich quick, but doing something you've always wanted to do, but not thinking that it'll work.

I could easily just spend my days alone in my apartment not going anywhere, not doing anything for fear of rejection, embarrassment and loss. But not taking a risk is the greatest risk of all. And that's no way to live. We can achieve Greatness in our lives if we just continue to take those baby steps, build a solid foundation and dare to do the thing you think you cannot do. And if what you try didn't work, go back and look at what happened, then get up again and work more intelligently next time.

And I intend to be a Great Board member for the Central Valley Region, knowing that I and other people believe in me and what I can accomplish for California.

Goals!

Book Review:

Goals! How to Get Everything You Want - Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible

Brian Tracy Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2004 ISBN 1-57675-307-7

xi + 291 pgs.

Available @ Brian Tracy International

Design Your Best Year Ever: A Proven Formula for Achieving Big Goals

Darren Hardy Success Books, 2009 ISBN 978-0-9819512-0-1

xv + 141 pgs.

Available @ Your Success Store

I can't say enough about the importance of setting clear, written goals as part of recovery. These books lay a great foundation.

Brian Tracy lays out more the WHY of setting goals and the great benefits one can accrue from doing this discipline. Darren Hardy provides a template anyone can follow for deciding WHAT goals to go for and the all-important follow-up action plan.

In 2007 it worked for me. Using a goal-setting formula and Law of Attraction principles (More later this week) I set a goal of moving out of a horrible room and board shared house I'd been living in since 2002. I wrote out in detail exactly the kind of place I wanted to move into, and I placed these words afterwards, "I shall achieve this Goal OR BETTER by 12/31/07. Well, I didn't get exactly what I wanted on paper...I did GET BETTER.

I am convinced that this step of writing specific Goals will do more for achieving a lasting recovery than just hoping and wishing for things to get better.

Anyway, get these books and get busy!

TJS

Book Review: The No Asshole Rule

Book Review:

The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't

Robert I. Sutton, PhD

Business Plus, 2007 ISBN 978-0-446-52656-2

210 pgs.

"Asshole" is a pretty blunt word, I know, but let's face it: no matter if you call "difficult people" "jerks", "petty tyrants", "bullies", "knuckleheads", or whatever, they're still assholes, but there is good news.

Dr. Sutton provides us with a very useful guide in dealing with these workplace creeps in this highly readable book. I learned that the best way to deal with assholes is to avoid having anything to do with them, or, if that's not possible, be very firm and assertive as to what behaviors are acceptable and what is not. I also learned that sometimes I can be an asshole sometimes myself, and how to recognize and control my "inner jerk".

Here's a tactic I learned from one of my past mentors on how to deal with these people.

HOWARD: Why you acting like that? You can't talk to me that way!

ALBERT: You know Howard, I am truly blessed.

HOWARD: What you mean?

ALBERT: I don't need your approval.

This usually leaves them speechless, or provokes them further. Always keep your cool. Let them rage, then say "Thank you" and walk away. Trying to reason with a hothead is futile. A lot of times they want a fight to prove to themselves how righteous they are. Don't give it to them. For the sake of your own mental wellness, don't buy into their own negativity. Just say "thank you" and pray for their happiness...SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Anyway, visit the author's blog:

Bob Sutton

Tell him TJS sent you.

Stay Free,

TJS